The final countdown.

I write this from the comfort of my mum's house in Newcastle, a world away from South America in many ways especially including excitement. This is not necessarily a bad thing, I mean after almost 5 months living out of a backpack, staying in a different bed (or hammock) every night, not knowing what you will eat or when you will eat next, constantly being on guard so to not get robbed or ripped off or hurt it comes as quite a relief to go home and enjoy a stable and predictable environment for a while and of course to see all the people you've missed over the last few months.

Gabby and I decided to fly home early and attend a friends wedding in the Hunter Valley, doing this meant that our flights were pushed back a few weeks, so we really had to cover some ground in the last ten days.
After leaving Bolivia with Oli and Kate, we crossed into Chile, where I had some trouble with the customs officials for 'smuggling'. Apparently they didn't take very kindly to the two apples which I had 'stashed' in my backpack, which I had forgotten about and failed to declare. I explained that the apples were for medicinal purposes and they sent me on my way before I could make any hilarious remarks which would have undoubtedly began with 'how do you like those apples'??.

Before parting ways with Oli and Kate, we had some celebrating to do for Oliver's 30th birthday. I can never remember the actual date of Oli's birthday and I still can't to this day, nor will I ever I predict. What I did know was that it occurred sometime during this trip, so we just decided to celebrate whenever we knew the timing was just right. as it turned out, we celebrated 'CarnivOli' sometime in early September in a place called San Pedro De Atacama, located in the driest desert in the world.

The evening was a tribute to the great man in style and in attitude. We copped some strange looks from locals who were obviously very uncomfortable with women acting so confidently whilst being dressed as men, but overall it was a really great night.

        

After a tear filled goodbye to our friends we pushed on to see some more of Chile, a bit more than we planned as a border block back to Bolivia and the unavailability of buses to go further South, due to Chile's independence celebrations, left us stranded for almost a week. Perhaps this added to my 'ho-hum' sentiment regarding Chile or possibly it was because of our own attitude at the time, but the place completely lacked the adventure and spirit that most South American countries tend to possess. 

Eventually we were back on track and back in Bolivia enjoying the cheap beds and beers and the availability of over the counter Valium. This came in very handy as we had decided that before we make our way to Buenos Aires and fly home, we must see Iguazu falls in Northern Argentina and in order to get there we had to take two twenty five hour bus rides and the Bolivian buses are certainly not built for an Amazonian couple such as ourselves. The Valium didn't knock us out as such, but it certainly helps you feel like everything is ok and that your seat is in fact a giant marshmallow that speaks fluent russian. 

Maybe it was the Valium, but a massive error in judgement on my part occurred during the second bus ride. We decided to take a bus through the Bolivian jungle into Paraguay and get to Iguazu that way as it was geographically the quickest and easiest route. Eighteen hours into this journey, at the Paraguayan customs office (which was 500 km into the country mind you!) we were informed that Australian's need a Visa to enter the country which had to be processed from outside Paraguay and would take a few days. The official informed us that we had to go back to Bolivia on the next bus which was at 2am the following night! Now, we were in the middle of nowhere in 40 degree heat and on a very tight schedule. After much pleading and begging, an under the table monetary 'agreement' was made and we were on our way with a 48 hour 'transit visa'. 

After reaching the other side of Paraguay, our guide book informed us that to reach Iguazu falls on the Argentinian side, one can take the quick 5 km route through Brazil and their is no need to have a Brazilian visa. We did not have Brazilian visa's as they are difficult and costly to get, so we trusted our guidebook for some reason and got our exit stamps out of Paraguay and headed for Iguazu via Brazil for 5 minutes. Naturally, the Brazilian officials told us that there is no way that this is possible and we had to go back to Paraguay and cross directly into Argentina the following day via ferry. Our taxi driver dropped us at our hotel and swore to pick us up the following morning, he was a great guy, he didn't even make us pay for that night's services. 

Sure as sugar, our faithful driver picked us up right on time to get the ferry over to Argentina. Trouble struck at the ferry terminal when the exit officials noticed that we'd already been stamped out of Paraguay the previous night, so another monetary 'agreement' was made with that particular official also.

                              

Gab, looking very happy to be leaving Paraguay.

Upon arriving on Argentinian shores, the officials informed our driver that he was not able to continue to drive us to our destination simply because they did not like the look of him. This was the precise breaking point of our driver and he looked like he was going to cry. He had done the majority of the negotiations on our behalf and was blown away by how difficult the entire process was. I didn't even have enough cash on me to pay the guy what he deserved to get, so in the spirit of humanity and driven by my desire to not cause other men to cry, I jumped in another cab, leaving my wife as a guarantee and asked the new cab driver to drive me to the closest ATM. After about 40 minutes and 6 different ATM's my card finally worked and I returned to a very relieved looking Gabby  who assumed that I must have ditched her to avoid a hefty cab fare.

I payed the driver what I owed him and gave him a $100 US tip for his effort and tenacity. The guy was over the moon as that's a fair bit of money in Paraguay. Everyone felt good and I hope the cab driver spent his hard earned tip on a nice night with his family (if he has one) or hookers and blow (if he doesn't have a family).

The Iguazu falls were simply stunning and easily the most impressive completely natural wonder I've ever experienced. The sheer volume of water, the thunderous roar and quantity of waterfalls in a small area had us giddy with excitement and I highly recommend it as one of South America's 'must do's'.

                                     

We shot down to Buenos Aires where we spent our two last nights in South America lapping up the famous nightlife and eating steaks the size of small cows. It's a fantastic city which I would visit again in a heartbeat if my liver could handle it!

Gab blowing minds and breaking hearts at the Kareoke bar.

South America is not your typical 'honeymoon' destination, although it is beautiful, it's not all ´Mojitos in the sun´, it can be very stressful and just plain hard at times. It certainly is a test for any relationship, even close friends, but it's a test we passed with flying colours. 

I would like to thank all the people we met along the way who helped make this such an amazing adventure for us and provided us with such great laughs and memories. I want to also thank those that helped get us there with your generous contributions on our wedding day, you guys rock!

But most of all, I want to thank my beautiful wife. You made this trip awesome. You're my best friend and the ultimate travelling partner and I look forward to many more adventures in the future.

Boliver Hoschke and Kateacabana

It was time to go to a wild country with good friends of ours Kate and Oli, Bolivia was the place and the following happenings.......happened.

We started our togetherness in a place called Copacabana on the sunny shores of lake Titicaca. It's a pretty town in a great location, nestled just on the Bolivian side of the Peruvian border. We stayed a few nights here but left a little disappointed as the place enforces a midnight curfew. We didn't come to Bolivia to be treated like Novacastrians so we left for one of the most bizarre cities on earth, La Paz. Perched at 3800 metres above sea level in a strange natural crater type setting, this place looks as weird as it feels. We were not shy about our intentions and quickly hopped on the good foot and made very good use of our reasonably strong currency (80 cent beers!). Whilst hanging at a local club late on that first night, we all suddenly felt the need to leave immediately as we were all having trouble breathing and using our eyes, someone had released some sort of capsicum spray or similar in the venue and they succeeded in emptying the place in the matter of about 30 seconds! A curious tactic by a rival club owner I suspect.......

Kate and Oli had to make their way south, so we decided to have a look at Bolivia's enormous salt flats and desert on the way through the excellent mode of transport known as Toyota Landcruiser. The salt flats were flatter than they were salty, but saltier than the previous flattest thing I'd ever seen.

I feel this video captures the atmosphere of the trip sufficiently, set the volume to 11......

Salkantay sillyness.

The next chapter of our whacky adventure was the Salkantay Trek, which ultimately brought us to the famous inca ruins of Machu Picchu. This was the only activity in South America which we listed as a 'must do'. Firstly because the ruins are quite spectacular and Gabby was dead keen on seeing them and secondly, I've actually been there before three years ago as a very sick individual. I had a major case of food poisoning, altitude sickness or possibly the terrible affliction known as ruin influenza. Either way I never really took in Machu Picchu as I was rushed straight to the local clinic where Dr Nick put me on the IV drip.

So, in the spirit of redemption we woke at 3:30 in the morning (I didn't know there was a 3:30 in the morning as well) and set off for our first day of what proved to be a very difficult trek. Luckily I got my altitude sickness out of the way on the first day, where I was really struggling to breathe and constantly looking for idealistic 'natural' toilets.

I eventually made it to the first campsite an hour after the group due to extreme sphincter clenching and gnashing of teeth.

The first night was spent at 3800 metres, which I hardly need tell you is a heck of long way up and darn cold (-10c to be exact). We slept diagonally across the tent as the average 2 man tent isn't really built for someone of my......ahem.....proportions.

Upon waking I noticed that I felt much better and we bounded up to the highest point of the trek, 4800 metres, with relative ease compared to the previous days struggle. This is where we witnessed a real life avalanche! It was pretty awesome to see this from a safe distance of around 400 metres. It sounded like a jet airliner flying in close proximity and was truly an awesome sight, but nothing really that great compared to say.....um........ finishing 'Donkey Kong Country' with all your spare kongs intact or hitting a homer in baseball.

Anyway we negotiated the tricky 6 hour (!) descent to our campsite, giving us a total of 10 hours walking for the day. Not really an easy task at this distance above sea level.

The rest of the trek was really quite arbitrary compared to the first 2 days. The highlights really came at our campsites. One evening a small monkey decided that I looked 'treelike' enough to climb all over me for a while. I decided that I really didn't want parasites again, so I devised a cunning plan of distraction and speed to be rid of him with relative ease. King of the jungle my ass!

We spent a night in Aguas Calientes, well half a night, as we suffered another 3:30 am wake up call to be in line to experience the climb up to waynapicchu, which soars over machu picchu, offering an almost aireal view of the ruins. Now, to be one of the lucky ones to experience this you need to be in the first 400 people to machu picchu for the day. Given that there are no buses to the top until 630 am, you need to climb up there from the town yourself after they open the lower gates at 4:30am. We started the ascent in about 200th position and it quickly became clear that it was not an easy walk up the thousands of steep stairs to the top gates, but indeed a RACE! I felt my competitive instincts turn on and Gab accessed her inner mountain goat as well. We stormed up the climb in record time for a Novacastrian, late 20's, pigeon toed husband and wife team for 10th and 11th place out of 400 or so idiots.

The effort was worth it however, we climbed the steep ladders and stairs to the top of what I could only describe as a natural skyscraper. I haven't really been a big fan of heights since I fell off that tightrope as a young boy in Australia's only travelling gypsy circus and patchwork quilting team, but I climbed on despite the view which scared the cheesecake out of me. Once at the top the clouds parted for a spectacular birds eye view of Machu Picchu, which was certainly a highlight of the trip for both Gab and myself.

Later that day our group reassembled for an afternoon/all night drinking enduro which took us back to Cusco and it's dodgy clubs, naturally of course I had no problems securing a podium position in this particular competition. It was a fitting end for a difficult 5 days and I have no intention of using my legs in anger for a couple of weeks.

Megavalanche

It's has been an eternity since I posted anything on here, I'm very sorry my adoring fans but I've been so busy! Yeah right!......... in fact our lives generally revolve around eating, drinking and catching buses to the next place to eat and drink.

We've had some great times in Peru, starting with the beach town of Mancora. Although it was full of 'beach people', they generally stayed out of my way and I stayed out of theirs.

After 7 days of laying around, watching sunsets and doing as little as possible it was time to see some familiar faces...........

We hauled ass down the Pan American highway for a marathon effort of two 25 hour bus rides which would eventually get us to Cusco in the Peruvian highlands. Our friends Oliver and Kate 'see the radness' Hoschke were there in the final days of their volunteer program. It has been fantastic seeing them and they certainly have been the cure for any home sickness we may have been experiencing.

Oli and I promptly got back to the roots of our friendship and went mountain biking.

This was no regular roll in the park though, it was Peru's own Megavalanche course located high in the Andes, just two mountains south from machu picchu.

The drive up took around an hour and a half as our four wheel drive negotiated countless switchbacks I knew we were in for a very serious ride. You could see the trail crossing the road and dropping off into narrow rocky chutes, which did nothing for my nerves at all!

Starting at a whopping 5000 meters above sea level, we descended down to 2000 meters in the space of only 25 kilometres. That's damn steep! The trail was rocky and very demanding on the arms with massive boulders and cat food tin sized loose stones randomly scattered in inconvenient places the entire way down.

I managed to have only one crash and was pretty happy to walk away from the trail almost unscathed as it was one of the most difficult rides I've ever done.

Here's Oli's friend Paul, who was also volunteering at Peru's Challenge, showing some big balls as this was one of his first ever mountain bike rides.

Here's Oli, who looked as comfortable going down steep shit as when I met him ten years ago.


Three happy boys feeling lucky to be alive!

Volcanos and Vitamins.

As well as my usual daily quota of doing 'cute' things to keep Gabby amused/interested, we have been getting a little bit wild lately in a town called Banos, which sits just under a 5500 meter high Volcano in the Ecuadorian Andes. I've been here before, about 3 years ago with my friend Josh, except this time I'm not depressed and lost which is quite a thing.

The town contained a rock 'n' roll bar, which we both frequented. The owner was a cool dude who even let me programme my own playlist, which he played every time I was there, which was a lot, which was awesome, which made me come back a lot, which now makes me realise he was pretty clever. I'm also a bit of a local legend now after winning a game of pool in the most awesome of fashions. I was playing a local guy with the bet of a bottle of beer as the winnings. As it was, I was actually out of money and couldn't pay for his beer should I lose. He broke and sunk one ball, I then proceeded to win the game by sinking every single one of my balls in one turn! It was glorious!

Anyway, we got outside and did some stuff including a tour of the regions waterfalls in this amusing vehicle.

Among the waterfalls were many families basking in the earthly minerals they provided....... And to be seen!!!!


Next day it was time to ascend this great big volcano, this time on quad bikes. I've never been one for 'lazy bikes' as I like to call them, but at this altitude there is no way I was going to ride a mountain bile up there. It was great fun and we went pretty bananas on them, it just cracks me up that you can rent an extremely powerful quad bike over here, capable of going well over 100kph and just ride it wherever you like - off road, up volcanoes, amongst traffic etc. Close to the top was a really neat swing over a steep drop which really gave you the sensation of flying. This is Gab flying off into outer-space.


The sight of two men in their 40's pushing each other on a swing, giggling like school girls was one to remember.



This is an interesting one, I haven't touched up or cropped these pics at all by the way, just shot them in sepia. This is the most bizarre lens flare I've ever seen.


Tomorrow we head south for more mountain related activity then into Peru within a few days, see you soon Oli and Kate!